One thing that's important to know about me is that I am a movie fan who's not tired of the MCU. I'm that person ready to watch every movie and TV show (except for Loki, I don't know why that's hard to get into) that Marvel puts out.
The latest show they've introduced is called: What If? It dives into their being multiple universes based on a different choice being made. It seeks to answer the question of what a character's life would be like and how that would impact their universe.
I think this type of series offers a chance to expand our imagination about characters we're familiar with. Additionally, it pokes at that existential longing we all have to know if and how our lives would change if things had happened different.
It is sooooo good.
One of the episodes really hit me.
Hard.
It was the Dr. Strange episode, exploring what would happen if he lost his heart (meaning the love of his life) instead of his hands (his ability to be a surgeon. (NOTE: Spoilers to follow). When he loses his hands, he ends up becoming the new Sorcerer Supreme, keeper of the Time Stone. When he loses his heart, well, it's a disaster. He still becomes a sorcerer but he now wields his power for selfish gain, saving the love of his life from death.
The quandary is that her death is an absolute point in time. It must happen and cannot be changed without destroying the universe.
I want to pause here because this is what impacted me the most from the episode, and from the series thus far.
The most traumatic, terrible, tragic thing to happen to Dr. Strange was necessary. It was necessary for him personally and for everyone on the planet.
What if that's true for us?
Think of the event in your life that has had the most negative impact on you; it is the part if your life you wish could be changed.
For me, it's my parent's divorce. It has been one of the most shaping events in my life, one of the first dominoes to fall for me. From it, a lot of the pain and brokenness I experience in my life can be traced.
A few summers ago, I finally was able to voice to God how angry I was that He let it happen in the first place. I was bitter and resentful about the one written for me. I was envious for other people's healthy family dynamics. I longed for a different story.
It's belief in God's love and grace that enables us to be this vulnerable before Him. It's belief in the sufficiency of the cross that we can bring our complaints to God and not fear being struck with lightning - because He's poured out all anger on Jesus. And it's in this place of raw honesty and confession that we can actually have our hearts changed.
Slowly, He began to remind me that He really does love me. He really is wise. His plan is best, even though it's far different than what I would've chosen for myself.
And I mean slowly, this has taken years. And it's still ongoing.
So when I saw this episode, it struck my divorced kid nerve. It made me revisit my pain point, my desire for so long to change my parents' marriage to a happy and healthy one, and my belief in the wisdom of God.Â
Because, what if their divorce was an absolute point in time? What if it was necessary for me to become who I am and for me to partner with God in being a blessing to the world?
What if your most painful life experience is necessary too?
To embrace this question is to be content with your story, free from comparison to other people and bitterness or resentment.
It is to recognize that we are not God and we don't know everything; and we don't have to. We can simply trust.
And if this is wrought with tension and turmoil for you, my invitation to you is to simply pray this prayer found in Mark 10:
"Lord I believe, help my unbelief."
... as you ponder the question: What If?
