Confession

Hey all,

Proceed with Caution: this poem is not filled with pretty emotions, but it's honest. I was debating whether to post it or not, when the Holy Spirit nudged me and used someone in my life to encourage me to bare my soul. Doing so will always be worth it if you or someone in your life can relate to it.

So, here is my ugliness wrapped in His beauty. It's #ConfessionTime

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Confession; when I woke up I was joyful and now I'm feeling dead.

Confession; I know that this is not what He has for me but the devil's on a mission.

Why do I feel like he's winning?

My soul is slowly receding into this place where I no longer see the vision of what God has for me.

Confession; a part of me is scared that I'll just stay in the place for who knows how long.

Confession; that same part is shamed for getting to this state when He clearly told me to be strong.

My soul is in a war;

Casualties keep growing,

Flesh against spirit

And I can't tell who is winning.

A part of me just wants to stay like this.

Pop in a stupid movie; have a few hours of bliss then...

Fake my happiness until it returns.

It'd be the easiest thing; not like it hasn't been done before.

But, I can't.

I'm feeling His conviction,

Feeling the rebuke,

Hear Him saying that this isn't me

That this is just a fluke.

A little slip on my run,

A little pain on my ride,

But that doesn't mean that I should stop,

Stop trying to try.

Stop doing my best to run this race through

Stop being being a light for others to be drawn to.

For the trials are simply a test of our faith

I need to hold fast regardless of all my mistakes.

Regardless of a heart broken

Of a dream shattered

For a scam is in my life and now I feel tattered.

Lied to and used.

Short term joy

Long term blues.

And yet,

Why try to understand?

It being supernatural already tells me where I stand;

Trusting, believing and hoping for His favour.

Striving and persevering; not losing my flavour

As salt

Confession; I feel like I'm wasting time willingly

Like,

I could be doing more but I'm being limited by me

Confession; the shame is covering me

Especially when I know the example that I set to those around me and yet,

I'm not keeping it up continuously.

Lord, I'm so sorry.

Here's my confession please forgive me

Lord, I just want to be the one that You've made me to be

I just want to fulfil Your purpose for me

I'm sorry for letting the clock go by

I'm sorry for not properly living my life

For not effectively guarding my heart,

A repeated mistake, please let me have another fresh start?

Please, I don't want to ever abuse Your grace

I don't ever want to feel disgrace from You.

I don't want to disappoint You but to

Make You happy

You're my Father;

This sorrow was needed

For it drove me to confession

Humbling myself to receive Your redemption

Placing myself at Your feet; and then feeling your compassion.

Slowly warming up my heart

The Holy Spirit now is winning;

Flesh; you need to back down

I'm not being taken from my family

I'm the daughter of the King and you do not get my crown

Finally

A smile

Confession; I was holding back my tears

Built upon a foundation of fears

But I'm happy that I broke down

It means that the foundation can be attacked now

And demolished.

I find myself wrapped in Your love, filled with Your peace and radiating with Your joy.

And I hope for the future,

That as I continue to battle

I won't be easy for the devil to employ

Always knowing that

Back to my knees I may return.

For another;

Confession.

This Joy

(Posted on March 10, 2014 at 3:05 AM)

1 Thessalonians 5:16 tells us to "Always be joyful" (NLT). A lot of the time, this verse is skipped over for those that follow it as someone preaches about prayer and thankfulness.

Or, it may be skipped over because it seems too difficult. Come on, who can honestly stand up and say that you've always been joyful? For anyone who thinks they can raise their hands, kindly ask your parents about how you were as a baby because even as infants, we weren't Always joyful. (I know that my son isn't). To be honest, I always looked at this verse and wondered how anyone could do it. I mean, sure, I try to be a happy person most of the time. But always? Ha. That's the first problem. Often, we confuse Happiness with Joy. I remember a pastor differentiating the two by saying this:

Happiness depends on what's Happening. Joy is solely dependent on Jesus. John 15:9-11 says this: “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! Did you catch that? When we live in an intimate relationship with Jesus - in a way that honours the Father - we are filled with joy. Our Joy is intertwined with Jesus. Have you ever read Philippians? Here's some backgroud information. Paul is writing to the believers in Philippi while he is in prison. Prison. And not like the prisons we have today, with beds and washrooms and gyms and common rooms to watch TV. We're talking dark, dirty, and desolate here. But you would never know it from this letter. In Philippians 2, Paul says: But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy. There's that three letter word again : JOY Do you think that he could honestly be writing about joy at that point in his life if Joy was dependent upon his situation? His circumstances? His environment? Or is Paul some type of superhuman? The best Christian to ever live? In his own ability, able to write with such joy? Of course not!!! In chapter 1, it is so clear where his joy comes from. ... the message about Christ is being preached either way, so I rejoice. And I will continue to rejoice. For I know that as you pray for me and the Spirit of Jesus Christ helps me, this will lead to my deliverance. For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live. Knowing this, I am convinced that I will remain alive so I can continue to help all of you grow and experience the joy of your faith. His joy is all wrapped up in Christ; in living for Christ, in honouring Christ, in trusting in Christ, and in telling others about Christ. When we focus on all these things regarding Christ, how can we not be joyful? Though our circumstances will change, Christ and His love remain constant. And therefore, our joy can remain constant. And that is how we can always be joyful, fulfilling 1 Thessalonians 5:16. I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

Until next time loves!