Identifying Identity

(Posted on March 3, 2016 at 4:50 AM) On March 2, I checked my Facebook app and was heartbreakingly surprised to see one of my old statuses from 2012. On March 2nd, 2012 I posted a status saying that: “I hate my eyes.” As soon as I saw that, I remembered that day and what had brought to declaring one of my greatest insecurities at the time on social media for all to see. I remember being so excited that day because finally, after 8 years of glasses, I’d finally have contacts and be “beautiful” again. I remember planning the outfit I would wear to school the next week for my big debut, the new and improved Sana’. I remember crying in the optometrist’s office because my eyes refused to accept the contacts and all my dreams of being beautiful fell away in that instant. But it goes, so so so much deeper than that day. When I look even through my profile pictures at that time in my life, they are all edited. Not simply with text on the picture or just a quick fix because my camera was bad quality (and still is, lol). But edited to lighten my skin colour, soften what I thought were imperfections on my face; to do everything to fit the standard of what I truly thought beauty was. I remember that Sana’ in all her brilliance and (feigned) gaiety; she was incredibly insecure. I can still identify with that girl because she’s the voice that the Enemy through my mental illness uses to convince me that I’m worthless, useless and purposeless today. Insecurity is an identity issue that flows from many things, but finds its roots in sin. It a classic tactic that the enemy uses to belittle God’s Word, devalue His plan and entrap the Saints in a state of immobility. Insecurity comes down to what you believe about God and about yourself in light of that. It is only eradicated by knowing your identity according to how God made you, how Christ redeems you and how the Holy Spirit sanctifies you. God has been teaching me a lot about my identity in this last little while, a lot. It’s been raw and hard and expository; and it has brought me to a new level vulnerability and intimacy with my Creator, Saviour and Advocate. I would be remiss if I didn’t share it. Everything that occurs in our lives is for the glory of God – even the hard, vulnerable, raw, painful stuff. Especially those. I’ll paraphrase something that a ministry I love said a few years ago: When we are broken jars of clay, we allow His light and love to be shown even more clearly through us to those on the outside.

So, I'll happily be a beautiful broken clay jar in the hands of a gracious and glorious God.

Give Your Heart a Break

Posted on March 10, 2014 at 5:05 PM

Has anyone ever heard that song by Demi Lovato? Give your heart a break? (an oldie but a goodie, am I right?) I know, I know. You're probably wondering why I'm talking about a non Christian, song right? Just stay with me for a little bit and you'll see why. I was listening to a cover of it the other day and it hit me that God could be saying some of these lyrics to many hearts.

Listen to this: Don't wanna break your heart Wanna give your heart a break I know you're scared it's wrong Like you might make a mistake There's just one life to live And there's no time to wait, to waste So let me give your heart a break 'Cause you've been hurt before I can see it in your eyes You try to smile it away, some things you can't disguise Don't wanna break your heart Maybe, I can ease the ache, the ache So let me give your heart a break. We've all been hurt before right? We've been let down at some point in our lives. Someone somewhere has disappointed you and hurt you - whether you want to admit it or not. The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words.[a] I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. (Lamentations 3:19-20) Does any of this sound familiar? I want you to picture a house being built. First, a foundation has to be laid. Your house's foundation is made up of every event that has ever caused you pain. Now, that foundation is built upon with every bottled up emotion in your heart. That anger, grief, resentment, hostility, distrust are the bricks used to build the walls of your house. That's the worst thing that can possibly happen because those walls - that grow with every time that someone hurts you - get in between you and God. They become expressed as sins.

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:19-21). And it keeps on going and going and going until you have a full house. And now you're living in it. You're dwelling in that place of pain. Some people won't even realise where they're living because they've decorated their house. On the outside, they've made it pretty so that everyone who looks at it won't suspect a thing. On the inside, they've made it so pretty that they've fooled themselves. ... The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7b) And then there's God who's knocking at your house's door, saying I love you. Saying I won't hurt you. Saying I won't leave you or reject you. Saying trust me! "...I will not fail you or abandon you." (Joshua 1:5) But we have that house of pain and hurt stopping us. He knows that we're scared, He knows all of our fears and He's bigger than them. He wants to free us from them but we won't let Him. He knows every disappointment, every rejection, every let down, every hurt, everything that has ever caused us pain. We can walk through life with smiles on our faces, talk to someone through technology and send a happy emoji, and go to church hurting and hiding it.

But He sees it all. David put it perfectly in Psalms 139:1-6: O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. He Knows. And He hurts because we hurt. He can ease our ache, our pain, wipe away tears, hold us tight and give us this incredibly peace and non refundable joy. But He's waiting to be let in before He does that. He is the only one who will never hurt us. Yes, we'll go through hard times but God never hurts us. He's the only one who will never break our hearts. He will come in and literally be what your heart needs. Instead of it working all the time to fight stress and pain and just life, He will give it true life and flood it in love and give your heart the break it needs. God is there just waiting for you to choose to accept Him. He will never force you to do so but He's here forever until you die, waiting for you to let Him in. And for Christians, ask yourself - are you really trusting Him with every part of your life? Or have you built walls within your heart as well, barring Him from entering a certain part of you? Have you seen the show: Extreme Makeover: Home Edition? It's a show where a team of people go to help families who have been through an ordeal and give them a new house to live in. First, the team goes and checks out the state of the house - how dire the situation is. Second, once the family has left, they destroy the house. They rip it apart. Can we do that with God? Can we let Him in to see the state of our hearts? Can we give Him the authority to change them? Can we stop shouldering the burden of our house, our wall, our barriers and allow Him to destroy it? To completely abolish all the pain and then build with us a new home?

We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. (1 John 4:16) And when we live in God... 22 ... the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things (Galatians 5:22-23). Can we please run to our heart's door, swing the door wide open, and say Come In? “Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. (Psalms 107:19) Can we let Him save us from our distress? Because then, will be able to say this:

My old self has been crucified with Christ.[a] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20) Can we give our hearts a break?