Hey all,
Proceed with Caution: this poem is not filled with pretty emotions, but it's honest. I was debating whether to post it or not, when the Holy Spirit nudged me and used someone in my life to encourage me to bare my soul. Doing so will always be worth it if you or someone in your life can relate to it.
So, here is my ugliness wrapped in His beauty. It's #ConfessionTime
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Confession; when I woke up I was joyful and now I'm feeling dead.
Confession; I know that this is not what He has for me but the devil's on a mission.
Why do I feel like he's winning?
My soul is slowly receding into this place where I no longer see the vision of what God has for me.
Confession; a part of me is scared that I'll just stay in the place for who knows how long.
Confession; that same part is shamed for getting to this state when He clearly told me to be strong.
My soul is in a war;
Casualties keep growing,
Flesh against spirit
And I can't tell who is winning.
A part of me just wants to stay like this.
Pop in a stupid movie; have a few hours of bliss then...
Fake my happiness until it returns.
It'd be the easiest thing; not like it hasn't been done before.
But, I can't.
I'm feeling His conviction,
Feeling the rebuke,
Hear Him saying that this isn't me
That this is just a fluke.
A little slip on my run,
A little pain on my ride,
But that doesn't mean that I should stop,
Stop trying to try.
Stop doing my best to run this race through
Stop being being a light for others to be drawn to.
For the trials are simply a test of our faith
I need to hold fast regardless of all my mistakes.
Regardless of a heart broken
Of a dream shattered
For a scam is in my life and now I feel tattered.
Lied to and used.
Short term joy
Long term blues.
And yet,
Why try to understand?
It being supernatural already tells me where I stand;
Trusting, believing and hoping for His favour.
Striving and persevering; not losing my flavour
As salt
Confession; I feel like I'm wasting time willingly
Like,
I could be doing more but I'm being limited by me
Confession; the shame is covering me
Especially when I know the example that I set to those around me and yet,
I'm not keeping it up continuously.
Lord, I'm so sorry.
Here's my confession please forgive me
Lord, I just want to be the one that You've made me to be
I just want to fulfil Your purpose for me
I'm sorry for letting the clock go by
I'm sorry for not properly living my life
For not effectively guarding my heart,
A repeated mistake, please let me have another fresh start?
Please, I don't want to ever abuse Your grace
I don't ever want to feel disgrace from You.
I don't want to disappoint You but to
Make You happy
You're my Father;
This sorrow was needed
For it drove me to confession
Humbling myself to receive Your redemption
Placing myself at Your feet; and then feeling your compassion.
Slowly warming up my heart
The Holy Spirit now is winning;
Flesh; you need to back down
I'm not being taken from my family
I'm the daughter of the King and you do not get my crown
Finally
A smile
Confession; I was holding back my tears
Built upon a foundation of fears
But I'm happy that I broke down
It means that the foundation can be attacked now
And demolished.
I find myself wrapped in Your love, filled with Your peace and radiating with Your joy.
And I hope for the future,
That as I continue to battle
I won't be easy for the devil to employ
Always knowing that
Back to my knees I may return.
For another;
Confession.
